Monthly Archives: October 2012

I wrote a witty ditty!

Those of you who know me only through this blog may not know that I am part of a comedic singing-wench troupe called Just Desserts that performs at a local medieval faire every winter. Our act is filled with double entendres and flirty teasing, traditional tavern songs (well, traditional for medieval and renaissance faires) and raucous silliness. To that end, we have been relying on songs we did not write, songs that were written by uncredited and talented people over umpteen years.

As the songs are considered “traditional,” we haven’t had to worry much about copyright issues so far. But we’d like to record (one day… eventually… soon-ish?), which means copyright could become a thing with which we will have to deal, so I proposed to the group that we write a few songs ourselves. Well, none of us is a songwriter (although there is one novelist in the group), and everyone looked at me with wide eyes (think deer in the headlights), so I volunteered to take the first shot.

Part of the shtick at these live comedy shows often includes embarrassing the heck out of some shmoe on his or her birthday, much like restaurants do when you alert the host or hostess that you have a birthday boy or girl in your party. But we wenches (OK, OK, they agreed with me once I harped on it suggested it) didn’t want to just sing Happy Birthday, as that would be b-o-r-i-n-g. Instead, I told them I would try my hand at writing our very own wenchy version of a birthday song.

This particular number is aimed at men, which means I still need to write one for the ladies’ embarrassment pleasure. It’s hard to get a real sense of it from just the lyrics, but it’ll have to do until we record it and I figure out how to upload an mp3 for now.

After all, this is a writing blog and I have, at long last, written (and finished!) something.

Without further ado, here is my first-ever song lyric:

Men’s Birthday Ditty

(wench 1)   Today is your day.
(wench 2)   You’re the man of the hour.
(wench 3)   Your swagger is strong.
(wench 4)   You exude manly power.
(wench 5)   Oh, what’s a wench to do…
(all)              But to wish these things for you?
(wench 1)   May your cock only crow (cockadoodle-doo!)
                     When the timing is right.
(wench 2)   May your ass not get tired (hee-haw!)
                     From morning to night.
(wench 3)   May your ale at the pub
                    Come with plenty of head.
(wench 4)   And the pusses you pet (meow!)
                     Leave no fleas in your bed.
(wench 5)   In short, may your year
                    Bring you naught but good luck
(all)             With a wench in your bed
                    When it’s time to get…
(all, slowly)  …. tucked… in!
(all, ad-libbed loudly) Happy birthday, love!