Monthly Archives: June 2014

I wrote another wench song!

I’m not sure if I mentioned it here before, but a few months ago I told my wench troupe (and the producer of our first and only album)* that I want us to have a half-dozen original songs for Just Desserts to add to our repertoire. That way, we can freshen up our live act and have some original songs for our second album, should we record one. They all thought it was a great idea. And they all declared themselves completely incapable of writing any of them… which left me to undertake it.

With their enthusiastic encouragement, many misgivings and tons of bravado, I said I’d give it a whirl. And a couple of weeks ago, at a wench rehearsal that included our producer, I was pressed to declare myself.

“So, Toni, how many songs do you intend to write this year?” Our producer had a pen poised, ready to write down my answer.

My reply was scared laughter, followed by, “Oh, Ozzy, you delusional bastard! One does not plan to write songs. One hopes to write them.** And given how long it’s taken me to get the women’s birthday ditty*** written, I wouldn’t dare make a prediction.”

Everyone laughed, told me they believed in me, wished me luck and pointedly declined to write anything themselves. (Even the twice-published novelist in the group says she couldn’t write a song. Period.)

On the drive home from rehearsal, the hook line and tune for a song popped into my head, along with the idea for a second song. By bedtime, I had worked out the chorus and the structure for first one. And the next morning, I opened up a google doc and wrote it. It took only a couple of hours to compose, tweak and record a stripped-down version of it. I emailed an mp3 of that recording to the rest of the group and was thrilled that they really like it!

Wanna see the lyrics?

Who am I kidding? This is a writing site, so of course you do!

Here it is:

A Man Like That

I want a man who knows my hills and dales,

One who’ll keep my garden wet,

Who’ll chase the wolves and never fail

To give me puss a pet.



Have you ever met a man like that,

A man who’s made like that?

Who’ll plow your fields both day and night?

Have you ever met a man like that?


I want a man who sets my soul on fire,

A man with heaven’s keys,

Who gives new meaning to “oh, god!”

And who brings me to my knees.



Have you ever met a man like that,

A man who’s made like that?

With an angel’s smile and a devil’s touch?

Have you ever met a man like that?


I want a man to tower over me,

Who is masterfully built.

A solid man who’ll stand the test of time,

With calves to rock a kilt.



Have you ever met a man like that?

A man who’s made like that?

With shoulders you can prop your feet up on?

Have you ever met a man like that?


I want a man who can take the heat

Who will stoke my forge and fire,

Who pounds my metal hot and sweet,

And shapes my heart’s desire.



Have you ever met a man like that?

A man who’s made like that?

A man who knows just when to strike?

Have you ever met a man like that?


You can spend your life in drudgery

Feeling lonely, sad or fat.

But you’ll never see who’s right in front of you.

No, you’ll never meet a man like that.


(final chorus)

So lift your head and fluff your girls,

Sing and dance and laugh.

Give the game of life a loving whirl.

Don’t you know a man likes that?

Don’t you know we all like that?

© 2014 Toni Finley All Rights Reserved

Once we record it (we haven’t even rehearsed it yet, although we will tonight) and post it somewhere (perhaps on youtube), I’ll post a link to it, so you can hear how it turned out.

* I’ve linked the phrase to our page, but wanted to let you know that album is also available from a myriad of other sources, including iTunes, Grooveshark, and Bandcamp. In all, there are at least a dozen ways to listen to and/or purchase the album or its individual tracks, some of them free! If you should listen to any of it and want to share your thoughts or impressions, I’d love to hear them.

** Even as I said this to Ozzy and the group, I realized how stupid it was. Of course one plans to write songs! Isn’t that what song writers do every frakkin’ work day?!

I think I was just caught off guard by the question and was afraid to think of myself as an actual song writer, given my miniscule experience in that arena and the obligation that title would imply.

The truth is, if you don’t plan to write, that is, make time to sit down and write, you won’t get anything written. And the very act of making yourself available to write will shift your mental gears so you can make writing progress.

So, officially, let me state that I plan to write a total of six new wench songs (including the one above) for us to add to our repertoire for the 2015 Hoggetowne Medieval Faire. Which means I’ll be writing them throughout the summer and fall, so we can learn them and work them into our act before the year ends.

And with the second of those six songs very nearly finished, too, I have increasing confidence that I can do it!

*** Don’t ask me how, but I completely forgot I’d written the Lasses’ Birthday Ditty (previous post). Wow. And I didn’t record it anywhere, so the melody is lost. Perhaps I’ll get it back? If so, there’s new song no. 3! Woo-hoo!