Monthly Archives: May 2015

The newest Lassies’ Birthday Ditty

Prefaced by “Today we celebrate [birthday lassie’s name] birthday and proclaim her WENCH FOR THE DAY! Many people don’t understand what we mean by that, so we thought we’d spell it out for you.”

(Shouted) W!

(Sung by wench 1) You’re wet, wild, and wonderful.

(Shouted) E!

(Sung by wench 2) You’re enticing, enchanting, and edible.

(Shouted) N!

(Sung by wench 3) You’re naughty, nice, and negotiable.

(Shouted) C!

(Sung by wench 4) You’re clever, cool, and coaxable.

(Shouted) H!

(Sung, one each by the wenches in same order as above, until the second “hella,” then sung in unison to the end.) You’re hot. You’re horny. You’re hilarious. You’re humid. You’re happy. You’re Hermione. (spoken: Hermione’s not an adjective!) You’re hella, hella-[the birthday lassie’s first name in crescendo]!

And you’re the birthday wench!

It’s all in the delivery, as songs are wont to be. We (my singing wench troupe, Just Desserts) performed it for the first time at a birthday bash for our friend and fan, Bev (aka Bubbles), to raucous approval. (Thank goodness.)

Definitely not my most sophisticated songwriting, but it was effective. I’d like to come up with something more clever and punny, something more on par with the men’s ditty and the pirate song, but I haven’t had the brain space to get it together yet this little tune worked for this gig.

If we record a version of this and post it on youtube (or if someone else recorded it last night and posted it), I’ll come back and post a link.